American Idiot…

“You don’t want to burden your friends, but you might benefit from letting them know what you’ve been going through lately. This isn’t about getting sympathy from anyone; it’s about accepting responsibility for your life and working to reach your long-term goals. After you take the time to catch up with everyone, you still need to show them where you’re heading by taking the first steps of your journey.”

Maybe my horoscope is right. Maybe it is time for me to open up a bit. I’ve been shut out from friend-time mostly because I had a bad fight with Britney, made a hasty decision to rush to Davis for Halloween (but this year’s spirits were just so low…) came back to see that Tofu passed away, got a call the next day saying that I got laid off… And so many of my friends want to see me and make me feel better, but the most important people (my roommates) just seem to not care… and it kinda hurts. Maybe it’s the fact we’re always around each other… I feel like leaving for a bit, but that’s like running away. Which I’ve found I’m amazing at being unreachable when I’m in those moods.

Regardless, Britney took me to Berkeley to see American Idiot the musical, mostly because she loves Johnny Gallagher Jr. It was AMAZING, all my memories from high school rushed back to my head. My crazy guitar jamming days bouncing up and down on my couch to drive my father mad. My sad and melodramatic nights when homework just as impossible as waking up another day. Hm, seems familiar. Only now, I just jump up and down and it drives my roommate mad. Seeing American Idiot woke up the child in me, mostly because I was queening out getting autographs from the actors that came out and it made me smile. I remember learning so many Green Day songs when I had Boyfriend (my electric guitar), and a handful of Avril Lavigne ones too.

So with Green Day blasting in my head and a little high we love here in California, I bid you guys good night. And keep those chins up, I know it’s a rough time with school and losing jobs, but if I can manage to pull a legitimate smile after such a shittastic week, I know you guys can. <3

 

Tricks, No Treats

Horoscope For Today: “You could become quite upset at someone close to you when you learn that you made a commitment based upon incomplete information. It seems like others were purposefully withholding significant parts of the story, setting you up for failure. Although your plans may not be unfolding according to your expectations, don’t take your frustration out on anyone else. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, you can save the day by visualizing the wonderful possibilities ahead.”

Long story short. Halloween 2009 can kiss my ass. Especially this in-grown toenail that hurts like a bitch because I’m a fuckwad and kicked a metal bench. AND FUCK YOU ASSHOLES FOR TAKING MY LITTLE BB HAMSTER FROM ME!

I think I’m going to see a counselor for my head and a doctor for my foot.

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Pre-Tattoo Post

I am getting my first and probably only, tattoo tonight. I’m doing this because it’s a celebration of becoming 21 and my devotion to art and design for the rest of my life. I feel that having it on my back will be a secret enough place that even if my parents and others do see it, it will barely be noticeable unless I’m butt-naked. Here’s a sketch:

It’s a re-design of the virgo sign, in addition to the bee stinger (reference to me) and I’m going to make the feet look more like music note feet. I’m going to have it between my shoulder blades, so if I have a tanktop or t-shirt on, I can still hide it even if it has a low cut in the back.

I’m ready.

So Give Me Novacaine…

Yup. Toothache evolved into a fucking root canal. Half of my face is numb and I get to be on antibiotics, pain medication and no alcohol for at least a week. I’m sad I’m missing out on Happy Hour at Chevy’s right now. Oh well.

Anyways, school’s been crazy. Design Process involves jumbling a Fruit project that’s making us render pieces describing taste. Our next assignment is to build a 3-D model out of Bristol, this is gonna be a challenge. My Graphic Imaging class is redoing a menu design, so I chose In ‘N Out! HOW SIMPLE! And god knows what I’m learning in Drafting & Sketching, being even more of a perfectionist than I already am?

So on top of my Woodshop Monitor job and my part-time at Natural Sensations (in which I’m sure the boss hates me now because I threw up the other day from taking codine without any food), it’s been hectic. I’m tired all the time and probably will be worse with the pain medication making me drowsy. Thank goodness it’s the weekend at least…

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Protected: And the work week starts again…

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I Feel It In My Bones…

Something’s bothering me. But I can’t quite seem to figure out what it is. It’s driving me nuts because I want to sleep so bad, I have work in about 5 hours and I’m not even sleeping on my own couch. Whatever it is, it’s weird-ing me out and I don’t like it. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not in the security of my own home? But this couch is almost my second home. I feel like I just need a breather, away from everyone, away from what I like to be safe and surrounded by. I need to know what’s beyond that line, something that will zap me awake and tell me not to be stupid.

Why am I even typing so loud? Why am I going out of my way to grab everyone’s attention? Why must I always want the spotlight and yet, I’m content living my entire life in the background? I hate being a drama queen and I hate that I always need people’s attention to feel like I’m not being neglected. I hate this stupid Virgo Moon shit. It drives me nuts. Gosh, shut up brain.

Happiest Birthday

I intended to write a post earlier, but I fell asleep for about 5 hours. SURPRISE!

Spent the big day at the beach with friends and after being escorted away from the cold and sand blasting into our eyes, we came back to the apartment. Video gaming pursued as Britney’s beautiful cake swept everyone off their feet. It was adorable! I got to wear my first (hot pink) dress and it really blew my mind. I originally felt so fatigued from shopping for an outfit, but I felt so nice and pretty after I got glamed up. I was compared to a modern Marilyn Monroe? Damn. That’s a great thing to say after 21 years of tomboy clothes.

I would like to take this moment and give my besties all warm hugs and kisses. From buying me drinks, to encouraging me to dance on a POLE, and making sure my heels were staying on my feet (until my toe started bleeding which I found out the next day), I love all of you! It was certainly the most memorable night ever. Yes, I did remember kissing that random girl with the striped shirt and her gay male companion. Whoops!

My Finals Words As An Adolescent

I turn 21 soon. Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I prepared to face whatever the future throws at me? Maybe.

The past few weeks have been crazy. Either making friends with glamorous gay men at a gay bar, or being swamped with work and school and all the financial problems that rise from the combo of those two, I sometimes forget to breathe. Hopefully these five furlough (mandatory school closure because we have no money) days will let me kick back and destress. I’m having everyone celebrate at the beach and then possibly kicking it at the bars and whatnot. It will be awesome, I can feel it. What bugs me a bit is that one of my roommates is missing the entire thing because she’s in the East Bay with her boyfriend. I mean, it’s not difficult to take public transportation out there if you have to be with him so badly. I know she feels bad for missing out, but I can’t help but to be a little bit pissed off. Maybe it’s for the better since two of my friends (one that she had a falling out with) are showing up and the last thing I need is more drama.

NEW SUBJECT. I’m enjoying my semester. My DAI classes are all smushing together and I forget which class I have homework in. Whoops. However, carrying a manly toolbox filled with art supplies and becoming more pro at the Adobe Suite makes me feel cool. I’ve never been more alert in a class until the teacher started talking about typography. My immediate response was snapping out of my daydreaming/sleeper’s face and scribbled so many notes in so many angles, it looks impossible to read. My design process class is enjoyable because the teacher is goofy and loves to ramble but he knows his shit. We’ve been doing a fruit study which involves doing orthographic sketches of strawberries (that’s what I picked) and I felt really good having mine up against the wall with other students. I always think that whatever I do is a so-so job, but I love putting my effort into these classes. My drafting and sketching class, however, is not so much fun. I can never understand the teacher and it’s early so I zone out automatically. Therefore, I’ve switched to the back of the classroom, go on Facebook, and doodle. Then the teacher walks by to check on everyone and I pretend to scribble a three-dimensional figure 8. LOLZ.

Anyways, I’m glad to say that I am finally a full-time student, with a part-time job and a lab monitor position. And will be legal to consume alcohol in two days.